Just a little something

A few nights ago, Jeff was looking through a manuscript one last time, checking his proofreading marks and making sure it was good to go. He recruited Charlie to help find the “red marks.”

And here’s a quick photo of me with the little butterball. She’ll be one month old tomorrow!

New photos

I’ve been getting a little camera-happy with Lillian this week, thanks to her frog-like sleeping posture and adorable girly sundresses. And those chubby arms!!

Lillian’s first road trip

Last weekend Lillian and I traveled to Minneapolis with my dear friend Deitra to watch another dear friend, Molly, get married. (Molly and her now-husband, Craig, have a beautiful love story — check it out at craigandmolly.com!) We had a great time. HUGE thanks to “Aunt D” for her patience and fantastic nanny skills!

Deitra loving on my kiddos -- at home before the trip

All dressed up for the wedding!

Stealing a few minutes with the bride

Prompts

My brain is so frazzled and fatigued these days that it’s tough to crank out anything newsy or witty or worth reading. So I’m stealing these prompts from Shannon in an effort to kick-start my thoughts.

Outside my window… is a mini-garden! Jeff has planted tomatoes, red peppers, basil, oregano, and parsley. All is growing beautifully.

I am thinking… about popping that little pimple on Lillian’s right cheek.

I am thankful for… the yummy meals and lovely gifts we’ve received since Lillian was born.

From the kitchen… comes the obnoxious rhythmic swooshing sound of our very loud dishwasher.

I am wearing… gray capri sweatpants and a red T-shirt from my high school days. Both reek of spit-up.

I am creating… hmm…does procreating count?

I am going… to Kansas. Soon and very soon.

I am reading… embarrassingly little. Blogs. Mail. Facebook statuses. And a lot of Dr. Seuss and nursery rhymes.

I am hoping… that Miss L will learn to sleep well; that Cboy will stop throwing toys off the balcony; that plans will fall into place; and that Jiggly Belly will go away.

I am hearing… said dishwasher, and the thump-thump-thump overhead as Jeff and Charlie throw balls onto the roof of our apartment building.

Around the house… everything has its place, but nothing is in its place.

One of my favorite things… Sleep, O Sleep, wherefore art thou, Sleep?

A few plans for the rest of the week…grillin’ burgers with friends for the 4th. Going to church. And hopefully showering.

Still here!

Wow, life is FULL! Full of activity, full of emotions, full of people. And, of course, full of fatigue.

We’ve had guests in our home for nearly four weeks. They have all been hugely helpful, and today I’m questioning how the heck I’ll manage without them. We still have meals coming to us for the next week and a half (we’re so spoiled!) from church friends and MOPS moms, so that should ease this transition to being on my own with the kiddos.

During my pregnancy, I became reallyreallyreally addicted to sweets. I’ve always had a sweet tooth and preferred dessert to the main course, but those pregnancy cravings were a little out of control. I was hopeful that they would leave my body along with the baby, but that didn’t happen. I want to be eating sugar at all times. Truly. It’s a bit disturbing.

Quick updates on the kids:
Charlie is the coolest big brother ever. He loves to kiss his little sister, tell me when she’s crying, and sit next to me reading books while I’m feeding her. He’s shown a few moments of jealousy, and he likes to push his boundaries a little more often, but for the most part, he’s our same ol’ sweet boy. He’s talking nonstop and getting pretty good at forming full sentences. My favorite word of his right now is “ha-MEE-no” (flamingo). Cracks me up!

Little Lillian is growing up before our eyes. She doesn’t seem quite so itty bitty anymore. She loves being snuggled up close with her mama, which is both wonderful and aggravating. Her bright blue eyes are open more often now. She loves bathtime, or at least tolerates it, and oh how I love the soft sweet smell of her skin afterward. She has a real talent for dirtying her diaper right after I’ve put on a clean one and pulled up her pants. People frequently comment on her long, skinny toes and feet.

And now she’s wailing. Feeding time.

Wee update

Today Lillian is two weeks old! She is still (and will probably always be) a total mystery, but she has captured all of our hearts and we just love her to pieces! Even her big brother, when he can’t see her, likes to ask, “Baby go?”

It’s difficult to sum up our experience so far, or to describe what Lillian is like. So much of parenting a newborn is just about surviving from minute to minute. And here I am, alive after two weeks, so I suppose it’s been a success thus far!

My parenting ideals are found in the Baby Whisperer books. I don’t agree with every last word, but so much of Tracy Hogg’s philosophy and approach to parenting makes sense to me. I long for routine, for even a hint of predictability, for a baby who can fall asleep on her own in her own bed, and I like the Baby Whisperer’s family-centered, non-extremist methods for reaching those goals. But I’ve had to give up those pesky fantasies of having the perfect baby and establishing the perfect routine right now. Lillian needs time to adjust to life, and Jeff and I need time to adjust to her. And more than anything, Jeff and I need sleep so that we have the energy to adjust to her. And while I’m not at ALL a fan of co-sleeping, Lillian is a body-heat junkie and is sleeping in our bed for now — and (shocking!) it’s not the end of the world. We’re all sleeping well. Once we’ve allowed ourselves this time of transition, and once my big journey to Minneapolis (for a wedding this weekend) is behind us, THEN there will be time for working toward those goals.

But for now, I’m working on not over-analyzing, over-questioning, or over-planning. I’m just savoring these cuddly first weeks with my lovely daughter, staring at her tiny hands and toes until my eyes well up and my heart might burst, and I’m holding her in my arms in her state of milk-drunkenness and laughing out loud at her hilarious expressions. Because what they say is true: “This too shall pass.” And when it does, I hope I remember not the stress, but the joy.

Processing

It’s been over a week now since Lillian’s birth. Already! Last Tuesday, one day after Junebug’s due date, Jeff and I welcomed our daughter into the family. I’ve been avoiding this very act of sitting down at the computer to process the experience. It was a tough evening. In my overly hormonal and emotional postpartum state, I really don’t want to overdramatize the whole thing; after all, labor is labor — painful and agonizing and traumatic, even at its best. So I’ll try to just stick to the story.

I began the day around 8:00, when my water broke as I rolled (literally) out of bed. I was ecstatic. So ready for the baby to make her appearance! Soon I had a second experience of my water breaking. I called my widwife, who said she would call me back in an hour to check my progress, and I began tossing last-minute toiletries and such into our hospital bag. I hadn’t had any contractions, so Jeff went on to work. Around 11:00, I still hadn’t felt any contractions, but I asked Jeff to come home — I was worried that once the contractions started, things would move quickly. Shortly after lunch, we headed to my clinic to have my midwife take a look at things. Still no contractions. They strapped a monitor around my belly for 20-30 minutes to make sure Baby was doing well. She was ready to perform, and stayed active the whole time. Everything looked great.

My midwife suggested that we return home and just wait for contractions to start. We learned, though, that I had to deliver by 8:00 the next morning — within 24 hours of my water breaking. I really didn’t want to be induced, so we just prayed that Baby would come quickly!

We went on a walk to try to speed things up, and that’s when my contractions started. With Charlie, my entire labor was back labor, so I wasn’t really sure what a normal contraction was supposed to feel like! This time, just my luck, I had regular contractions with intense back pain thrown in just for kicks. Misery!

So labor started at 3:30. We stayed home for a couple of hours as contractions grew more regular and more intense. I felt like I was coping quite well — we even stopped at Corner Bakery on our way to the hospital so that Jeff could get supper — but I was eager to be checked in at the hospital.

During the check-in exam, I learned that I was dilated 5 cm. A tad discouraging, since contractions were getting quite painful and I didn’t want this labor to be long! We were told the only room available was a small one, so we would start there and be moved later as soon as a larger one opened up.

Side note: one reason I was so excited about delivering with a midwife was her promise to meet us at the hospital and stay with us until after the baby’s birth. My doctor in Vancouver did this, and I realized looking back on that experience that Dr. Telford’s constant presence had been really valuable and key in my ability to deliver Charlie without medication. Fast-forward to last Tuesday: my midwife told me she had a class until 8:00 pm, but would be at the hospital asap. So without questioning her, I just assumed that a back-up doctor from the same practice would be there in her place until she arrived. Unfortunately, this wasn’t the case.

So we were directed to the teeny tiny delivery room, and for the next hour or two, I labored with the help of Jeff and one nurse. Contractions got really intense, and because the pain was in both my belly and my back, I couldn’t really find a comfortable position. I tried lying down, lying on my side, rocking back and forth on a ball . . . but just couldn’t settle in. So I resorted to screaming instead. =)

By the time my midwife arrived, I didn’t have the energy or the sound mind to acknowledge her or discuss anything with her. And this is where the evening went wrong. Later, when I was sure I couldn’t continue, when I was not at all coping well, the person trying to coach me was someone I hadn’t even looked in the eyes yet, someone I hadn’t developed a rapport with. And apparently rapport is important for me.

So around 8:00 I was at 7 cm. We were taken to a larger room. I started begging for an epidural. From our “birth plan” discussion, my midwife knew I really didn’t want any medication whatsoever if at all possible, so she and Jeff would kindly distract me or redirect my focus when I voiced my pleas for medicinal relief.

The next 53 minutes are a total blur in my mind. I remember feeling completely panicky and out of control, and recognizing that I wasn’t using my energy well. But I couldn’t figure out how NOT to scream. Suddenly I was ready to push, and the midwife and nurse began frantically scurrying about, trying to calm me down while readying the room for the baby’s arrival. I pushed twice, and then there was a crying little gooey girl on my belly. I couldn’t believe it! She’s here? I’m done? The pain is gone?! I have a daughter?!!

Then there was the pain of being cleaned up and patched up, but I’ll spare you those details. Finally alone in our room, Jeff and Lillian and I could bond a bit. Jeff and I were so excited to have the labor over with, and some time left in the evening to make a few calls and brag about our baby girl and process the whole experience. We were feeling good.

But suddenly I felt really faint, like I might pass out. The nurse came in, checked my blood pressure, and immediately called the midwife in, who called the doctor in. My blood pressure had dropped dramatically. And so began another hour or so of poking and prodding to find out what was wrong. I had what my midwife later called a postpartum hemorrhage. Too much bleeding, which hadn’t been evident to the midwife earlier because my blood was clotting and collecting in my uterus. So that was fun. They hooked me up to an IV (grrrr), gave me a few drugs, and put a blood pressure cuff on my arm that would do its thing every 15 minutes through the night.

Meanwhile, Jeff was across the room, holding Lillian and listening to the discussion. Soon HE wanted to pass out! He wisely set Lillian in her bassinet, and lay down on the floor, at which point someone exclaimed, “We have a dad on the floor!” Thank goodness he was fine — just a little woozy. What a night we were having!

Eventually everything was resolved. We sent little Lillian to the nursery for the night (I swore I wouldn’t!) so that I could rest. We all returned home early Thursday afternoon.

So there’s the story of Lillian’s grand entrance! I could say a lot about our first week with her, but she’s waking from a nap, ready to eat. Overall, she’s been a mystery and a challenge — sleepy one day, taking naps in her own bed, then screaming and fussy and resisting her bed the next day. We have so much to learn about each other! But we’re enjoying this sweet little addition to our family — she’s beautiful and healthy and pink and animated and just all-around adorable. We’ll keep you posted!

A difficult word for a little boy

Baby Lillian is here!

So much to say; so little brain power! I’ll post a few pictures for now, then share all the gushy details soon. But first, the stats:

Lillian Christine Reimer
June 9, 2009
8:53 p.m.
8 pounds, 3 ounces
21 inches
[Jeff's addition to the stats] Cuteness factor: off the charts

Last preggo picture: 40 weeks + 1 day

sporting the appropriate tee

Gramps is in heaven!

Old Video

I’m sorting through some old videos, trying to back things up (any suggestions?!) and clear up some space on our over-worked, over-crowded hard drive. Anyway, I came across this gem, maybe my favorite video of Charlie EVER, and I couldn’t resist posting it here. This was taken in April 2008, so Charlie was almost 15 months old.